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8. Suchard sojourn
Passing Magdalen and Holyrood Streets, surrounded on all sides by the railway arches of Dickensian London, the pilgrims reach Crucifix Lane. "Let us come, even now, unto the blessed Suchard Bar (excellent Thai cuisine), and see where the bishop was found lying in a gutter..."
After partaking of the Suchard's generous hospitality, a service commemorating holy folly is undertaken where the Mercedes once stood. The pilgrims sing, a capella, a version of Janis Joplin's "Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Me a Mercedes Benz?" Verses three and four are given to us there and then by the Holy Spirit – though we hold the copyright.
A freshly-penned Chaucerian recounting of events outside the Suchard, The Bishop's Tale, is read solemnly by its author, Cardinal Saveloy, containing another implausible explanation of St Tom's actions on that most holy of nights.
And finally, we stagger off into the night, rejoicing all the way from London Bridge to Tooting Bec, then by bus to Streatham, where we partake of fudge, the most glorious Anglican kind, that bears a remarkable likeness to the
Our simple message? Give now, freely and abundantly, to Kids for Kids, the Sudan charity supported by St Tom. It's what he does. It's what we all should do.
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