You might think the Bible stretches credibility with its walking on water and other miracles. But you should see the stuff that was rejected when the Church's Quality Control Dept. came to put the second half of the Good Book together. Here are some of the rescued writings, presented by Howard Ingham...

• Bedtime stories – "Punish me! Punish me, please!" Thaïs the Prostitute and other strange tales from the non-sexlife of the early church. (Mar 2002)
• A saint is born – A prostitute.. a dramatic conversion... three loaves of bread which last 17 years... yes, a saint is born. (Aug 2001)
• Jesus II: the revenge – In which a grateful Roman general says "thanks" to Jesus for healing his leprosy by... um... killing a lot of people. (Jun 2001)
• The passion of the kung-fu messiah – Jesus and a gang of saints show the Devil who's boss in this month's thrilling instalment. (Apr 2001)
• In the City of the Cannibals – Cannibals, a speedboat, the Devil himself, and an awful lot of hydrochloric acid. (Mar 2001)
• The I-Spy guide to apocryphal stuff – Spot those obvious moments in apocryphal Christian books and win points! A cut-out-and-keep-guide. (Feb 2001)
• Clement recognises some people – The first-ever blockbusting conversion story. Starring Clement, the second Bish of Rome. (Jan 2001)
• Immaculate Misconceptions – The unofficial version of the Christmas story, complete with midwives, magic water and a mob of nuns. (Dec 2000)
• Pilate's Magical Shirt – He plays a big part in the passion story and has a line of his own in the creed. But whatever happened to PP? (Nov 2000)
• Juvenile Jesus – Where was Jesus during his "missing teenage years"? A couple of near-forgotten books give the surprising answer. (Oct 2000)

© Ship of Fools 2001